About love in your 20s

Most of the people, on Quora at least, who moan and whine about not being able to find love are too young to be worried about it. If you are between 15 and 35, you don't need to be so damned worried about it. Even after 35, you are certainly not doomed. Your age and experience actually give you an advantage. The entire world is still out there and now you have a clue whom you might like. Please remember that whining and feeling sorry for yourself are two of the least attractive traits a person can have.

Remember also that what young people think is “love” is really a juvenile combination of lust and envy: wanting to have sex and being desperately envious of the people your age who seem to have more of it than you do. If you look carefully at the relationship questions in Quora for guidance (and believe me, you should) you will see that young people in relationships have problems and galloping insecurities still. Relationships and marriage do not necessarily mean your life is perfect now. Getting sex is as fraught with insecurity as not getting sex. Nobody's life is perfect, even if it looks perfect from the outside.

I've said it many times: stop looking for love and look instead for friends. Cultivate a wide variety of people whom you like and admire and with whom you enjoy spending time. Get to know them well. The most successful love matches I've seen in my long life have been those where the good friend of another good friend says, “Come to my birthday party. It should be fun. You can meet my cousin from California!” And the love at first sight happens there, between you and someone with whom you already share a friendship network. Trust me. It works better this way.